Ep. 43 [BIRTH STORY] WITH CHRIS - FIRST TIME POPPA SUPPORTS A FREE BIRTH - PART 2: DAD'S VERSION

Merry Christmas! I am gifting you our first birth story of Season 3.

Miranda and Chris were gracious enough to both come on and tell their version of this incredible birth story. So this is a two-parter - Mom's Version & Dad's Version.

The birth of Elek is extra special to me because I was present for it as Miranda's Sacred Birth Worker.

I had the privilege of walking alongside this family in pregnancy and she totally humbled me. She gave me the gift of witnessing unwavering trust and surrender in her ability to birth this baby, her first baby, free of any medical supervision or intervention.

That's right, Miranda free birthed her first born - like a pro!

I will be sharing the birth video and photos on instagram so be sure to check them out after you listen to both Mom and Dad's version of this precious, mysterious, and total mundane and normal event: Elek's birth story.

Find me on instagram @⁠⁠birth.advocate⁠⁠ and all of my offerings on my website⁠ ⁠www.birthadvocate.me⁠⁠

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Please note this was AI generated so errors may exist

[00:17] Emily: Welcome to Soul Evolution.

[00:19] Emily: My name is Emily and I am the Birth advocate. A retired nurse, a health coach, a women's circle and ceremony facilitator, and the host of this podcast.

[00:30] This is a space where we will.

[00:32] Emily: Dive deep to reclaim our rites of.

[00:34] Emily: Passage with a big dose of birth story medicine, intentionally curious conversations with embodied.

[00:41] Emily: Wisdom keepers, and a sprinkle of polarity.

[00:44] Emily: As we will hear from our men from time to time too.

[00:47] Emily: I hope you find nourishment for your soul here.

[00:51] Emily: Please let me know what you think by rating and reviewing on Spotify and itunes. Please share it, find me on Instagram at Birth Advocate and stay tuned after the show for details on all of my offerings.

[01:12] Emily: Merry Christmas.

[01:14] Emily: I am gifting you our first birth.

[01:17] Emily: Story of season three.

[01:19] Emily: Miranda and Chris were gracious enough to both come on and tell their versions of this incredible birth story. So this is a two parter, mom's.

[01:29] Emily: Version and dad's version. The birth of Elec is extra special.

[01:34] Emily: To me because I was present at Miranda's birth.

[01:38] I had the privilege of walking alongside this family in pregnancy and she totally humbled me. She gave me the gift of witnessing unwavering trust and surrender in her ability to birth this baby, her first baby, free of any medical supervision or intervention.

[01:59] Emily: That's right, Miranda free birthed her firstborn like a pro. I will be sharing the birth video.

[02:07] Emily: And photos on Instagram. Be sure to check them out after listening to both mom and Dad's version of this precious, mysterious, totally mundane and normal event.

[02:19] Emily: Alex First Story Welcome Chris Papa Chris to the podcast. I'm, I'm really, I'm always so honored that all my guests say yes, but when it's a dad coming on to tell his version, it's extra special.

[02:35] I just feel like this is not shared enough out there in the interwebs and it's really beautiful medicine to have a dad come on and tell his experience.

[02:44] Especially because I had the experience of kind of witnessing you through this. It's just going to be meaningful for me to hear, you know, your words. So welcome to the podcast.

[02:56] If you wouldn't mind just introducing yourself, telling the people a little bit about you.

[03:00] Chris: So my name is Chris Khalifa. I am turning 30 today.

[03:07] Thank you. I guess in my experience with any sort of birth, I honestly never really thought about it up until I started dating Miranda and we definitely had some different opinions, but I guess I wasn't necessarily as educated as I should have been or didn't really look, you know, into birth enough to have opinions.

[03:38] It was just whatever was told to me.

[03:41] And with that being said, you know, Miranda was all about free birth and kind of doing it ourselves with, you know, no medical intervention if possible.

[03:55] And yeah, so I guess my background with that is I had nothing, I had no knowledge of birth at all kind of up until we got pregnant.

[04:08] So, yeah, it was just a brand new world for me to kind of step into without any, any knowledge.

[04:17] Emily: Well, I mean, we have like our societal, cultural conditioning, right? Like our stories of how we were born and what we see in the media and like the people around us and how they're birthing their babies, that's.

[04:29] That informs our subconscious. Right?

[04:32] Chris: Yes, but. And with that being said, now that we've had a kid and we did research and I've learned, I don't want to say that there's a wrong way to do birth, but there are better ways, in my opinion, to have a child or to comfortably have your own space.

[04:55] Because I think that it's very important for your child to be born into a loving, caring environment right off the bat. I mean, they say, you know, even being pregnant in the environment that you're in is detrimental to the birth, to the development.

[05:15] So, yeah, I don't know. It's, it's, it's, it's crazy that we get. And as men, we kind of sidestep a lot of the thought that comes with birth because we're not necessarily the ones giving birth.

[05:32] So I would employ men, and I've been telling most of my friends, if you're going to have children, you should do your own research and you should, you should know what goes into every aspect of it.

[05:46] You know, preconception during pregnancy, birth and after birth. Because it's important as men to be prepared and understand what it takes for a woman to grow a baby and to give birth.

[06:04] Because I truly believe now that men can hold space for their women and that that is our job, to be the protector and to kind of not guide, but, you know, just be there to support whatever we need to.

[06:25] Emily: Yes, yes, the space holder. And, you know, it's making me think of that conversation we had in preparation for the birth. And I was talking about like sacred space. What does that mean to you?

[06:37] And you just had such a beautiful, simple way of saying it. And I think you said something like the energy being clean, like the energy being clean and clear. And I was like, exactly.

[06:47] And you did such an amazing job.

[06:50] Chris: I honestly, you know, I was, I was, you know, woke up this morning thinking about kind of the the whole thing. And to be honest, it's been like three months. It's only been three months.

[07:02] Right. But it feels, it feels so long ago in a sense.

[07:07] And I, I reflect on it, but I haven't really replayed the whole thing in my head because it happens so quick. Even though it was 10, 12 hours.

[07:17] Emily: That's pretty quick though, for a first time, Mom.

[07:20] Chris: Yeah, it was. I mean, it was, it just, you know, I went to sleep and then I woke up and she was hovered over the massage table and like, okay, here we go.

[07:32] And then before I knew it, I had my baby in my arms and handing it to Miranda. And that was, it was just, it just happened so quick.

[07:41] I, yeah, it was unbelievable. The most unbelievable experience I, I've ever done in my, you know, in my life.

[07:47] Emily: Yeah, it's an incredible, incredible experience. So before we dive into the story though, I would like to know a little bit about what it was like for you then to prepare.

[07:58] Like, how did you educate yourself? How did you tangibly support her? Like, what was that process like for you? Because to decide to free birth, it's so alternative, right? Like, it's such, it's such a big deal to decide to do it yourselves and take that ownership and that responsibility.

[08:15] Like, and you as the man, you know, what was that like for you to support her in that decision? And what did you do, you know?

[08:25] Chris: Well, I think intuitively, in instinctual, you know, like, my instincts just kicked in immediately.

[08:32] Right when we found out she was pregnant, it was just like, okay, what do I need to do? What do I need to do to help us and to make it easy for her so she doesn't have to, you know, do too much so she can rest and take care of herself.

[08:47] And I can also help her take care of herself.

[08:51] Prepping. I mean, we took a class, online class that kind of went over a whole broad spectrum of, you know, prenatal, during birth or during pregnancy, after birth, all those things.

[09:06] So we kind of just did whatever we could resource wise to help us be prepared for every situation or. And obviously you can't be ready for everything. But we, you know, we tried to really just educate ourselves as much as possible with whatever resources were available to us.

[09:29] Me personally, I mean, it was kind of a crazy decision because we found out we were pregnant and then we decided to move to Maine during pregnancy and also build a tiny home which we, you know, we did not get finished.

[09:46] But we'll, you know, we will end it finished.

[09:49] It was just, yeah, it was it was kind of like, I don't know, it was, it was in a, it was an experience trying to prepare myself for my child and also, you know, provide for my family and build a house for us.

[10:03] And luckily we had people like you and Ryan and that kind of were our guiding, guiding stars to kind of get us into a position where we were comfortable and able to do everything what we wanted to do and accomplish.

[10:18] Emily: Yeah, yeah. Support system is so big. And you know, people that free birth, they are some of the most educated, well resourced people out there, you know, and you guys absolutely stepped into that.

[10:31] Chris: I mean, I, I never would have thought I would have done that in my life to have my, you know, child born at home. And I think it's silly to say that it's alternative because it, it shouldn't be.

[10:46] It should not be because.

[10:49] Yeah, yeah. The history of mankind has gotten us to this point by being born not in hospital.

[10:55] And, you know, you can say all you want about, oh, it's not safe and it's not this and it's not that. And I think that's total bs, really. Yeah. There's complications that can arise, but if you educate yourself enough and you have all the resources you need, then it shouldn't be that scary.

[11:13] It should just be like a normal thing. Oh, you want to have birth at home, Great. That's, that's, that's awesome. That is the most amazing thing. And not saying that hospital births are not necessary, but I just think it's a weird concept to me now thinking that people rely solely on the medical field to tell them how they should do.

[11:38] Emily: Yeah.

[11:39] Chris: Their birth.

[11:40] Emily: Yeah, I, I live in that paradigm as well. Like, it's, it's a, it's hard for me to consider outsourcing. I mean, that's the thing. Like, I'm just an advocate for all healthy mothers out there to give birth naturally because it's what we were designed to do.

[11:55] So of course, why wouldn't you? And, and you know, there's 95% of women out there in the world choose the other way. So there's a big revolution happening, though. Like, this is, it's absolutely happening and you are a shining example.

[12:09] Chris: So I, I hope that it, I hope that it, I hope that it changes and goes in that. Back in that direction because I think people will find that they'll, they are more empowered by doing it themselves because they'll realize that they can rely on themselves.

[12:23] I mean, people are told that they're, that you shouldn't do that you shouldn't do that. You're crazy. Why would you do that? You need doctors to give birth.

[12:33] No, it's not the case at all.

[12:35] Emily: It's not for most, you know, we leave room for nuance, but for most of us, and it is, that is, that is the sacred rite of passage. It is about emerging empowered, self sourced empowered, and it is about preserving the birth imprints of our babies, which you spoke to earlier.

[12:54] I mean, it's literally why I do everything that I do. It's why I'm so ridiculous, passionate.

[13:01] All right, so let's dive into the end of pregnancy and maybe those early signs of labor and how that experience was for you.

[13:14] Chris: So, I mean, it was September 13th and it was a, you know, we were past the due date, as you would say, and we, we went out the. We went out those first couple of the last few nights before September 14th.

[13:36] We just kind of went out and we spent time together, just me and her. Obviously Elec was in the womb, but, you know, we really kind of focused on our time together before the birth, which is very important for bonding and just connection.

[14:00] And so we went out and got pizza and then we came back and we watched Lord of the Rings.

[14:09] And I fell asleep during the movie and I woke up and Miranda was on the massage table moaning and was like, it's time. And my first thought, you know, is immediately I just got up and I can maybe not be frantic, but quick moving because, you know, I know that it's urgent and that I need to do my job.

[14:33] So my first thought was just, go, go, mode, go mode, go mode. Let's do this. I'm ready. Even if maybe I wasn't already, but, you know, that experience was just.

[14:45] I don't know, it was, it was so quick. I, it's. It's hard to even put a word on how I felt or what I was thinking.

[14:55] I think I just kind of did whatever my body and my brain was pushing me to do.

[15:01] I knew we had to be, you know, prepared for whatever Miranda needed. So it was really just, I don't know, mind, like mindlessness just kind of instinctually doing what we had talked about, what we needed, what she needed, you know, getting the birth pool set up and having her snacks or her towels or whatever have you.

[15:25] I mean, we were, we were definitely well prepared beforehand with all of our materials as much as we could, obviously.

[15:32] Emily: Yeah, you guys really did a great.

[15:34] Chris: Job, which I'm, I'm very proud of us for, because, you know, we, we weren't in our house, we weren't in our own space. We were in a friend's space, which was incredible to be a part, you know, in, in somebody else's house.

[15:47] And they allowed us to be there.

[15:49] Yeah, you know, it's, it's hard to even really put a word on how I felt in that time.

[15:55] Emily: Well, I love how you said it though, because this is what I, this is what I try to teach. This is what I try to encourage. Any birth support, whether it's the partner, birth witness, whoever it is.

[16:06] The veil is so very thin in the birth portal and tuning into that like quantum field and being in your instincts, in your intuition, in your own self trust and moving with that, like letting that be the lead so that we're all tuned in with our intuition and letting that guide us because the mother's leading.

[16:30] But like, it's the energy that she has. It's the, it's the veil that's open. We just, we move with her instinctually, like whatever she needs, however, she needs to be supported.

[16:41] You know, whether it's like, you know what, I don't feel like words need to be said right now, or maybe I feel a hand needs to be laid here, or, you know, let's offer her a drink, whatever it is.

[16:49] But it's all instinctual and intuitively led. So I think you, you said it beautifully.

[16:54] Chris: Yeah, it's, it's, you know, it's like I said earlier, it happens so quick. It's, it's almost, it's almost like a waste of time to think, you know, it's just, you know, and Miranda's body is, is meant to do what it's supposed to do.

[17:09] So it's really just doing what it needs to do for her. And she is just in the birth portal, you know, just kind of letting it all happen.

[17:18] Emily: Yeah.

[17:19] Chris: And talking to her and asking her about it, I mean, she go, she said I wasn't pushing at all. My body was just doing everything for me. I was just laying there and, and breathing and, and you know, being along for the ride.

[17:31] And I kind of was there too, just holding on as much as I could.

[17:35] Emily: Yeah. So let's see, you called me a couple hours in, right.

[17:42] Chris: So we texted you just to let you know what was going on, I think. And then I'm pretty sure it was pretty quick. Within an hour we were just like, she was like, yep, call her, tell her to come.

[17:55] But I guess, you know, you were there for about 10 hours or so.

[17:59] Emily: I got, honestly, my memory isn't 100%. I think I got there around 4am and then I left a couple hours after the baby was born. He was born at like 10:30 somewhere around there.

[18:12] Chris: 10:40, I believe.

[18:13] Emily: Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So you called me, asked me to head up. I got there about an hour after you called, and then. Yeah, so go on. I want to hear. I want to hear about your experience.

[18:26] I know.

[18:26] Chris: Yeah. So, I mean, so just from what I remember, right? So I, you know, that night we went to get pizza, we came back, watched a movie, I fell asleep. I woke up, she was on the massage table.

[18:39] And then I instantly, you know, we. I dragged the bed out of the room that we were staying in, and I started pumping up the birth pool. I was getting everything ready.

[18:53] You showed up by then. She was laying down on her massage table in the corner. Everything was kind of ready to go.

[19:02] And our buddy Ryan was helping with whatever I had needed help with. He went out and he immediately started a fire, which I thought was amazing to have that be a part of, because it ended up burning for another day or two after Alec was born.

[19:22] And then from there it was just kind of doing whatever Miranda needed. And there wasn't a lot of words said at all. She just kind of would, you know, ask for a few things here and there.

[19:35] We kind of gave her. Her space.

[19:37] Every so often we'd go in and check and, you know, asking her about that. She. She kind of was just in her. In her own world, and we would show up kind of whenever she needed.

[19:50] Yeah, it's. It's. It's such a. It's such a blur. But, I mean, I can, I can put myself there. It's just. It just.

[19:59] Yeah, I don't know. It was. I don't know. I don't know what the. In between there, you know, between waking up, getting the birth pool ready. But then right when she said or, you know, you guys called me in at one point, I think I was just laying down, resting for a second, and she said she was pretty much ready.

[20:18] And so we got our five gallon buckets.

[20:23] Emily: Oh, wait a minute. Before that. Wait a minute. Because you were sitting in there with her for a little while when she was pushing, and I had. I was giving you guys, you know, time and space.

[20:34] And then you came out and said, hey, I think there's like some blood and mucus coming out of her. You might want to go check.

[20:41] Chris: Okay. Do you remember that? Yeah, I don't know. I honestly don't at all.

[20:45] Emily: Yeah, because that's when I went in and I sat with her through a few surges, and she was, like, absolutely pushing, and her vulva was starting to get swollen, and she was having that more bloody mucousy show, like, baby was coming.

[21:00] And I was like, she's either going to have the baby right here, here on the massage table or the pool needs filled up. So, like, I gently asked her what she wanted to do, and she eventually was able to tell me she wanted the pool filled up.

[21:12] And then, yeah, that's when I was like, okay, boys, fill the tub.

[21:17] Chris: You know, and from there, our. Our friend Rue showed up in the middle of the birth, and she helped me lug the five gallon buckets from the other side of the house in the bathroom into the birth pool.

[21:32] And, I mean, it took us, I don't know how long, not very long, probably 20, 30 minutes to get every, you know, get the whole thing full.

[21:41] And, you know, as soon as we got it full, I mean, it was what. It was like 110 degrees. So we had to almost cool it down.

[21:48] Emily: Yeah.

[21:49] Chris: Because we were just. I was just so overprepared on. It needs to be warm. It needs to be warm. It needs to be warm.

[21:55] And, you know, eventually we got it to a good temperature and Miranda got in, and before we know it, I think I walked out and you guys call me back in and go, so it could happen now or it could happen in 40 minutes.

[22:10] And that was just a pause. And I'm like, just waiting. And you go, so you probably should go get your bathing suit or whatever you need on to get into the birth pool.

[22:21] And I don't know, I feel like a deer in headlight, you know, it.

[22:25] Emily: Was a fun moment.

[22:26] Chris: Oh, okay. All right. You know, and I just ran upstairs. I didn't have. I didn't even have my bed. I didn't have a bathing suit. It was, like, packed away upstairs in the attic, you know, And I just remember running up there and just, you know, taking all, you know, ripping all my clothes off as I'm, like, running up the stairs and finding my bathing suit and throwing it on and coming down and.

[22:46] And I just, you know, I sat there and. And you just looked at me. You go, so are you gonna get in? Or, you know, I'm like, oh, yeah, that's right.

[22:58] You know, slide into the pool and, you know, try to make myself as comfortable as I can to give Miranda space. And that's. I mean it. Then from there, it just.

[23:08] I feel like it just happened, you know, just. It was almost instant. Being in the pool.

[23:13] Emily: Yeah, I did give you guys a little bit of time alone again in the pool.

[23:19] And then her sounds really changed, got a lot louder. And. And that's when I came back in. And he was beginning to make his emergence.

[23:29] Chris: That was.

[23:30] It's crazy. The video is so funny to watch because just looking at my face, I can. I can. I can see myself thinking nothing, being like, oh, no. I joked about catching my baby this whole time.

[23:48] I kind of, you know, joked about it that. But I also wanted to.

[23:53] And then as it really got closer, it was kind of like, I don't know, like getting on stage for your first time ever as a kid, you know, and you have stage frightened and, you know, you don't know what to do.

[24:10] You don't really.

[24:11] You don't really know what to expect. There's lights and there's, you know, not that there was a bunch of people around us, but it just felt like, you know, I was in this arena or on this stage getting ready to catch my child.

[24:27] And I mean, you know, as. As, like, as a man, you know, we. We don't. I feel like we don't really get to be involved in that ever.

[24:40] Most men don't. And I think that it was, to me, the coolest moment of my life to be able to watch my baby, you know, come out of my wife's womb and into my arms immediately.

[24:59] No one else touched my kid before me, which is the biggest honor I could possibly hold as a father.

[25:08] And to be honest, I can't wait to potentially do it again. I just. I think it's. It's incredible. And I. I try to. I try to tell people that it's.

[25:18] It's just other words, like. I don't know. It's.

[25:21] It's. It's another. It's just another thing that the medical industry kind of takes away from you because your baby comes out.

[25:32] And the. Touched by gloves and bright. Bright lights and cold rooms and a lot of people and things, and all these things, and it just. It. I don't know, it just.

[25:47] It was. It felt so right.

[25:50] Even though I was scared and even though I was nervous or had all these, you know, maybe had some doubts or whatever. I mean, you know, you don't know what to expect, but it's just kind of being present and being there and just kind of go in with whatever, you know, with whatever's happening and trying your best.

[26:08] And, you know, I'm glad that I. I caught him. And I mean, they're slippery. It was. Is.

[26:15] I didn't, I didn't even know what. I didn't even know what to expect with that. You know, they tell you they're slippery and you get, you, you feel them like, oh, God.

[26:23] Like this slimy little slug. It's nuts.

[26:27] Emily: You caught him one handed though.

[26:29] Chris: Yeah. All right. Right on. Right arm like a football. It's awesome.

[26:37] Emily: Yep.

[26:38] Chris: But I remember looking at you. If you. I guess I'm. I'm the birth video. I'm guess we'll be at some point available.

[26:46] But at the point right before birth, I looked at you maybe two times, three times. I looked down once, I could see the, like his head kind of coming out and, and I look down and I'm like, oh.

[27:01] I looked at you and you go just, you just smiled at me. And I, I looked down again and it was out a little bit further. And I looked up again at you and you were just like, get ready.

[27:13] And I looked down again and I look up one more time. I think you said, here or here they come.

[27:19] Emily: Get ready to catch.

[27:22] Chris: Just immediately right after you said, here they come. And we thought it was going to be a girl. Miranda was 100 certain it was a girl.

[27:32] Emily: But you thought it was going to be a boy, right?

[27:34] Chris: I had a, I had a dream very early on that it was going to be a boy. I don't know if that was just coincidence or what, but yeah, I had a dream, I don't know, maybe within the first trimester that I saw him and it was a boy.

[27:49] So, you know, I kind of teased the whole pregnancy. She would always be like, she, she, she, her, her, her. And I, you know, told her, I'm like, I'm, you're gonna, I'm gonna laugh real hard when it's a boy that comes out.

[28:04] And we were blessed with a little beautiful baby boy. So, yeah, we had a bunch of girl clothes and we actually had to get rid of all the girl clothes that we had acquired.

[28:13] So.

[28:16] Emily: Yeah. So he came out and Miranda did that amazing thing that women do and just like lift her leg up over your head and oh my.

[28:27] Said, give her to me.

[28:29] Chris: Yeah.

[28:31] And I'm like, I look down and I'm like, there's balls. That's not a girl. So handed it and she, I remember her going, what am I gonna do with you?

[28:41] That was the funniest part.

[28:44] Like, you, I know exactly what you're gonna do. You're gonna love him like no other. And I mean, luckily everything went so smooth and he Was. And he was healthy and Miranda was healthy, and everything is still.

[28:57] You know, everyone's still healthy, which is incredible. And I can't believe she did that whole leg twist after laboring for that long and giving birth. I mean, she. Shoot, she.

[29:07] Right over my head. It was nuts.

[29:09] Emily: Yeah. Yeah. The hormone, the hormonal cocktail and an undisturbed birth is like. It's like no other. I remember myself just like a little deer, just, like, jumping over the tub when I was all done to birth the placenta.

[29:21] Like, I was like, how in the world did I just go through that and have this kind of agility?

[29:27] Chris: I definitely. Not that I never didn't respect women at all, but I. I just. This profound, like, glory that woman's. A woman's body is to be able to grow life and to push this living being out of their body and in such a.

[29:46] Such an incredible way. I mean, because it's. It's. It's not. It's not an easy thing. I mean, pregnancy is not easy. I mean, even. Even. Even the people that have the easiest times during pregnancy, I mean, it's not.

[29:59] It's not an easy thing. It's. It's. It's a lot to grow a baby.

[30:04] Emily: Yeah.

[30:04] Chris: And then to birth a baby.

[30:05] Emily: Yeah.

[30:06] Chris: And then to continue to grow your baby afterwards. Right. Is. It's incredible. Incredible to be. To be. Have been a part of it. You know, even though I maybe didn't do a whole lot, you know, I was just there to help.

[30:20] And, I mean, she did. She did 98 of everything. So, you know, I. I think that the other thing that metal, you know, the medical industry does is they take away that glory that women hold and birthing.

[30:41] Yeah.

[30:43] Yeah. It's beautiful. It's just the creators of life.

[30:48] Emily: It is incredible. But, you know, we need our support system. Right. We need that masculine energy to hold the container for us to do this incredible, expansive work and to bring our babies in.

[31:04] So, you know, again, like, yeah, she grew the baby, she birthed the baby and did 98% of that, but, like, you held the container for her to be able to do that in.

[31:15] So that's, you know, it's just as important, just as important.

[31:20] I'd like to know what it was like for you to witness her in the intensity of it. And, like, I mean, because it appeared to me that you were, like, trusting.

[31:31] Like, you. I didn't see fear come up in you or any of that, but, like, what was that like for you? Because I feel like that's a Piece that men could use some, you know, guidance and education on like, what it's like to witness the intensity of birth and to also be in that place of trust.

[31:49] Chris: So I immediately, I think that, you know, you, you as a man, you know, we have like our instinctual, like what we're attracted to and what we see in a woman.

[32:05] Right.

[32:06] I think that you know, me just as a man. I, I can, I could. I instantly knew meeting Miranda. I mean, I, I grew up with Miranda. We went from kindergarten to high school and then from high school to, you know, when we started dating again, we didn't know each other.

[32:24] It was like meeting each other again. And so immediately meeting her again, I mean, I instantly knew she could be a mother. I instantly knew that she could care for children and care for herself.

[32:39] And I think, you know, that's what also attracted me to her. You know, not just her beauty and not just her caring, you know, self and just caring for others.

[32:52] I, I just, I could, I knew, you know, I wanted to be a father at some point and I knew that she could be a mother. And so instantly knowing I could trust her to be the mother of my child and to, you know, have that ability to be, you know, my other half.

[33:15] Because parenting obviously is, you know, you know, it's a two way street and you both have to, you know, understand each other and also have like, common understanding. But at the same time, I just think I just instantly trusted her with all of that because it's, it's so important, obviously.

[33:38] And it's, it's. I don't know, it's just.

[33:42] Yeah, I just, I just, I just knew that she could do, do the, do the job. And I don't want to say lack of, you know, for lack of words, but she just, she.

[33:52] I knew that she could be the best mom and partner and you know, we obviously had our, our disagreements. You know, there was one, there was one point where, you know, when I wasn't educated and I thought that I knew what was best and we kind of split up.

[34:12] But in those months and those, that time that I had to reflect, you know, I realized that she also cared maybe way more than I did about some of those things.

[34:26] And that's why she thought about some of those things. And so, yeah, it's, it's like, it's another one of those mindless things for me. It's just my instincts. I just, I knew that she could be the one and a great mother.

[34:44] So, yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I love, I I love her. I love her, you know, more than I ever could, you know, for her to, you know, bring me a beautiful baby boy.

[34:55] And I just want to keep providing for her and because she provides for my kid every day. Breastfeeding.

[35:03] Emily: Yeah.

[35:04] Let's talk a little bit then about what it's been like, like in those early postpartum days and like how you supported her and any advice you might have for men around that.

[35:13] Chris: Biggest advice, always have food also for her.

[35:21] Ice cream.

[35:23] And I'm joking. But seriously, though, seriously, food just. I guess understanding that emotions can run high and postpartum for men is emotionally. Yeah, it can be tough because, you know, you kind of have to lose yourself a lot as a man to take care of not only yourself, but your partner and your child.

[35:52] Because as a man, you know, you're not really doing. You're not really doing so much for the kid as you are just doing for the woman. So my biggest advice would be, you know, yes, take care of yourself.

[36:07] But the most important thing is to make sure that mom is fed, is. Has as much rest and sleep as she possibly can and to just give her what. What she needs and to not get over emotional because, you know, I don't.

[36:28] The. My dad always told me, but right, you know, right before birth is that, dude, you just be patient after, you have to be patient and you have to understand that their emotions are different and it's just going to change and it's not going to be forever, but you just have to be patient and just do what she needs and that's the end of it.

[36:49] Don't, don't. Don't start. Don't fight. Just be there for her and that's all you can do.

[36:56] So I really, you know, my.

[36:59] I'm. I can be stubborn and I can be.

[37:02] I can be a little bit of a.

[37:05] What a. If you want to call it being. Being stubborn. But, you know, we had our moments of maybe some bickering, but, you know, that's just because emotions run high.

[37:16] And it's not that we were, you know, arguing or anything. It's just you're tired and you're not sleeping as you were before. And, and especially the woman. I mean, waking up every few hours to go to the bathroom when you're pregnant.

[37:31] And I mean, I don't think she's slept a full night in the last year and a half or so. Yeah.

[37:37] Emily: So, yeah. Yeah, that's. That's beautiful advice. What beautiful advice from your daddy to give to you. Yeah. Because it really is about mothering the mother when the baby comes. You know, she's a newborn mother just as that baby's a newborn baby and she, if she's cared for, the baby's going to be cared for.

[37:57] And I love how you said too, you know, like, taking care of yourself because your cup needs to be full so that you can help her keep her cup full so that baby can be cared for.

[38:07] So then, you know, for you it's like the greater community needs to come in and like be your support so your cup can be filled. And yeah, it's definitely like the trickle down effect is real here.

[38:18] If, if you're not cared for, if you're not taking care of yourself, then it's hard for you to be present and care for her. So, yeah, it's a whole thing.

[38:26] But absolutely. I love your advice. It's beautiful.

[38:30] Chris: I also say that too because in the beginning I wasn't really, to me, you know, this is just, this is my experience. I say that too because in the beginning I, I really wasn't taking care of myself because I didn't really, I didn't really care about me.

[38:49] I cared more about what she needed and what the baby needed. And so I didn't eat all the time and I wasn't, I probably should have been eating when she was eating, but it was, it was more detrimental for me to make sure she was fed.

[39:05] And, and now that I'm past that and it's a little easier now, I do take care of myself more.

[39:12] But it is very important because I did lose weight, which I'm a small man anyway, and losing weight is not good for me. And so, yeah, my advice would be to, yes, it's very important to take care of your partner.

[39:28] But yeah, you really need to take care of yourself because I was at some point struggling there for a little bit with eating and just, I wasn't, it just wasn't healthy.

[39:38] It wasn't healthy at all. Yeah, that was just solely on me because I was so worried about her and what she needed, which is not a, not a bad thing to say.

[39:50] But you know, you're in a plane and they tell you put, you need to put your oxygen mask on first before you can help others because if you don't, then you're going to pass out and not be able to help them anyway.

[40:02] Right. So that was just, you know, my personal experience. I, I didn't do a very good job of taking my. Taking care of myself at first.

[40:10] Emily: Yeah. Yeah. And you know, I, that's again, very well said. But it also then comes down to that community helping to support you because you can't care for everyone. Like, that's, that's where fatherhood, you know, that can be very overwhelming in those early postpartum days.

[40:26] So, yeah, really call in that community of support. The meal train, having the food prepped like that. If that piece is cared for, the food piece, then, you know, there's a lot more space for everything else that needs done.

[40:40] Chris: We were prepared as much as we could, but, you know, we were.

[40:47] I, I mean, to be honest, the next time it's. It would. I'm sure it's going to be a totally different ballgame because we'll know what to expect a little bit more.

[40:56] You know, we. We were in a. We were also in a place where we didn't really know too many people and Maine is so spread out and all the people we knew were just kind of spread out.

[41:06] We, you know, we didn't have any family around at all. So that was a little different.

[41:12] We tried as hard as we could. We, you know, we did move back to Virginia for, For now and we will come back to Maine. But, yeah, it was, it was.

[41:22] I'm sure we could have kept doing it, you know, but like you said, community definitely helps. And we had a lot. We had a lot of help. Not saying we didn't have any help up there.

[41:32] We had a ton of help. It just, you know, it got to a point where we just needed more. Yeah, we needed more security.

[41:41] Emily: Yeah. For.

[41:42] Chris: For Elec and for Miranda so I could help more provide for our family.

[41:48] Emily: Yeah. Yeah. I think it was a good move, for sure. You know, one thing you didn't talk about, which Miranda mentioned in her episode, was that you were taking selfies while she was in labor.

[42:00] Chris: Oh, my God, I need a couple.

[42:03] Emily: Of those to put on Instagram.

[42:05] Chris: I. In the moment, I was. She's. She's laying. She was laying on the, the bounce, the bouncy ball, whatever. The ball birth ball. Yeah.

[42:17] And I was just kind of looking out the window and just kind of rubbing her back and she had no, she had no idea what was, you know, anything else but what she was doing.

[42:26] And I was like, yeah, this will be funny later on. And I just. She's, you know, she's. She's laying on the ball and I'm just, you know, kind of like a party selfie.

[42:39] We're like, oh, the person's passed out and it was stupid. It was stupid. I don't know. What I was thinking, I just was like, this will be funny later. I'm just gonna do this with her.

[42:49] Emily: Permission, she said, because her face looks crazy, but with her permission, I want to put one on Instagram. That'd be funny.

[42:57] Chris: It is quite funny. I forgot that I even did that, honestly.

[43:03] Emily: Well, Chris, this again was a treat, a delight. I really appreciate you taking the time away from your family to come and chat with me and to share your experience.

[43:14] Are there any last words you would like to say or maybe share your Instagram or how people could get in touch with you if they felt called.

[43:23] Chris: Yeah, it's Khalifa music on Instagram.

[43:28] I mean, shoot. You can.

[43:31] If any new dad or has any questions on, like, I mean, anything. I'm. I would love to talk to anybody about it because I don't think men are educated enough and I don't think.

[43:44] I don't think people are educated enough on birth. And I still don't know. I still don't know everything. But, you know, I have my experience and my, My passion towards getting away from relying solely on the medical industry to birth our children.

[44:01] I just, I would encourage people to do research and to also trust themselves, truly trust yourself, because you are strong and you have the power to, to birth a child.

[44:15] I would make informed decisions, you know, without any bias, you know, to say, but to, to really just look at both sides and to really, to really look into, you know, what could be the best for you and your family, because I truly do believe giving birth and doing it, doing it all yourself or whatever, you know, I, I think that it's.

[44:40] I think it's one of the greatest things you could ever do to, to bring a child into this world because we are, we're stronger than what they lead or, you know, tell us that we are.

[44:53] You need, you need. You need the medical industry. You need this, you need that. Yes, it's, it's. It is helpful when necessary, but I mean, you should just look at history and see that hospital births really is only, you know, have been popular last.

[45:10] I don't even know how many years, but two generations.

[45:14] So, yeah, early 1900s, I mean, everyone was giving home a birth or giving birth and home. Yeah. I would love to talk to any new father or anything father that is, has questions or doubts because I, I think that it's important as a man to be involved and to understand as much as possible.

[45:37] Emily: Yeah.

[45:38] Chris: About. About birth.

[45:40] Emily: Yeah. Thank you for that. Yeah. I have a lesson in my course that I just released. It's called My Partner's not on board. And I try to say it with as much empathy and compassion as I possibly can, but, you know, this decision is the mother's decision.

[45:58] Chris: Yes.

[45:58] Emily: It's her physiology. It's her process. It's her rite of passage. You know, it's. It's her body. Like, it's.

[46:07] Chris: Yep.

[46:07] Emily: I'm, I'm sorry to the men out there who take offense to that, but, like, it really is the mother's decision and it is the man's job to do whatever work needs done to get on board.

[46:17] Chris: I agree.

[46:18] Emily: Yeah.

[46:18] Chris: I mean, you know, talking in our decision, it wasn't necessarily my decision.

[46:25] You know, I asked Miranda, what do you want? What do you want to do? Who do you want to be involved in this?

[46:31] I.

[46:32] I am. Whatever you want, I will make it happen. I will try to be there for you as much as I possibly can. And ultimately trust. I just trust her more than anyone in my life.

[46:48] And that's just, that's just the biggest thing because, yeah, as men, we, we need to be protectors. We need to be providers and we need to help our, the women in our life because we can't do it without them and men can't live without women and women can't live without men.

[47:05] It's just the beauty of life. So, yeah, we need to do our jobs the best we can.

[47:12] Emily: Yes.

[47:13] Emily: Agreed.

[47:14] Well, Chris, thank you very much for coming on today to share the story and I'm going to release this episode on Christmas day. So happy birthday to you on this day and Merry Christmas to everybody listening.

[47:31] Chris: Merry Christmas.

[47:37] Emily: Thank you for listening through to the end. I do hope you found good medicine in today's episode and that it encourages your own soul evolution.

[47:48] I have a few new offers, both in person and virtual, that I'd like to tell you about. Beginning in January, I will host a free in person perinatal women's circle for anyone trying to conceive, pregnant or postpartum.

[48:04] Seeking community and support report. There will be a focus on preparing for natural birth and healing from birth trauma.

[48:12] Children are welcome. You can sign up via my website.

[48:17] I also now offer a monthly online virtual village circle for families seeking an empowering physiological conception, pregnancy, labor, birth and postpartum. It's just $10 a month or free when you purchase my online course.

[48:35] So you want a home birth? You can gain access by signing up via my website.

[48:41] As always, I host women's circles once a month at my home in Southern Maine. All women are welcome. For details, go to my Website I have 20 years of experience in the medicalized system.

[48:56] I let my nurses license expire in 2023 and now I walk with women seeking a physiological, instinctual and deeply spiritual conception, pregnancy, labor, birth and postpartum journey.

[49:11] I help prepare and repair for the most expansive rite of passage that women get to experience in this lifetime. It is my greatest honor and sole mission to hold sacred space and witness women as they claim their own inner authority and power.

[49:31] Emily: I am a fierce advocate and guardian.

[49:34] Emily: Of natural birth using the culmination of my life's experiences including my own embodied wisdom when it comes to being a home birthing mother, nearly two decades of experience in our health care system and a year long sacred birth worker mentorship with Anna the spiritual Midwitch.

[49:55] I support births with or without a licensed provider present at home birth centers and the hospital.

[50:03] I offer birth debriefing and integration sessions for women, their families and birth workers.

[50:11] I offer therapeutic one to one sessions, individually tailored mother blessings, closing of the bones and fear and trauma release ceremonies.

[50:22] If any or all of this resonates, I offer a free 30 minute discovery call.

[50:29] If you have a birth story to share or if you're a embodied wise woman, witch healer, medicine woman, I am also interested in sharing your contribution to our soul evolution.

[50:42] You can book in via the link in the show notes.

[50:47] Thank you so much for your love and support everyone. Until next time, take really good care.